Back on Track?

It’s “been a minute” since I last blogged.  Actually, a few months.  Hard to explain everything I have been experiencing, but I was in a rough state of mind.  Distracted by life, family, work, stress – I could not focus on composing anything to say to the world.

Here’s a list of events that have occupied my ASD brain over the last few months:

• Dealt with pressure to produce at work
• Changed churches
• Lots of birthday celebrations in the family including my own
• Events like Mother’s Day, my granddaughter’s dance recital, Father’s Day (last two were out of town)
• Decided to move out of our apartment and gave 60 days notice
• Looked for homes to buy
• Did not find a home to buy within the 60 days
• Decided to rent in another apartment complex
• Took almost a month to get belongings from one apartment to the other
• Gathered evidence for a lawsuit
• And most recently, was rear-ended in the Mini and have been dealing with the emotional trauma of possibly losing the car

I struggled with devoting the time and the emotional bandwidth that it takes to blog.  To be frank, I’m not sure I’m back on track yet.   But I thought being honest about the struggles of life could be something with which folks would identify.

And who doesn’t like hearing an accident story?  TV news and fiction thrive off all these gory details.

Two weeks ago, I left a early morning breakfast fellowship with a few men to head to an oil change appointment. (Taking care of my vehicle that I was planning to have for years to come – literally “minding my own business.”) I drove past many places in my section of town to get to the mechanic I trust. 

About two intersections away from the shop, a pickup truck stopped short in front of me – yielding to a fire truck in the left lane that wanted to turn right across three lanes of traffic.  Very strange.  I made a short, but successful stop, but the guy behind me was not able to avoid running into me.  The Mini was pinched between a pickup truck and a Volvo wagon. 

I seemed to be physically okay.  The other drivers and one passenger all got out to talk.  No drama, but the pickup truck driver decided that he had no damage and drove off to work.  The Volvo driver and I pulled off the road into a parking lot to get out of the busy street and to call the police.  I was very fortunate that this Army sergeant was a person of integrity.  His car seemed much worse off than mine –crunched, leaking fluids, a real mess. On the Mini, I only saw a little cosmetic damage on both bumpers, bent license plates, and a slightly hanging tailpipe.

After a half an hour of talking to the police, we got our official report and went on our merry way.  I went to the oil change appointment!   It didn’t look that bad, I was able to drive away, and I kept my appointment so that my mechanic could look and see if it was safe to drive.  I called my insurance company while waiting in the shop, starting the process, but not officially starting the claim because I was not going to be liable for the damage.

Driving home, I noticed a shimmy in the steering wheel at speeds over 50 MPH.  Oof.  Maybe she just needed a wheel alignment, I thought.

It took days – with no progress over the weekend – for the other driver’s insurance company to determine that their driver was 100% liable for the damage to my car.  It took more days to line up a rental car.  I worked from home 4 out of 5 days that week – very thankful for that option and my company’s flexibility and understanding.

Another week went by, driving a rental, wondering if I would get the Mini back.  The call finally came – total loss.  I was aware that this could be the outcome, but was hoping and praying that she could be repaired.  I considered buying back the car, but salvage titles are very hard to insure. 

So, I’m now in the market.  I did a search yesterday for local cars available with a manual transmission.  I gotta stay true to the concept of this blog, right?  Very few out there, and some of them are sportier than I’m willing to pay for.  This was the part of the process that I dreaded – even over losing the unique automobile that I was privileged to drive – having to hunt for another car.  I only had three more payments to make!

I’m trying to be positive and see if there is a new experience that will be right for me.  I also keep telling myself that I am very fortunate to not be injured, and that I don’t need to be all wrapped up in a possession.  I really enjoyed that car, though.  Affordable, unique, but also in a family of other Mini drivers that all appreciate each other and sometimes hang out together.

My executive function gets squeezed in these situations.  So many choices – and now that I know that this is challenging me – I worry about making the wrong decision.  It’s just a car, but it’s more.  It’s a financial situation, and my choice will be with me for a while.  Will the next car serve me well?  Will it be as exciting as the Mini? 

My faith in a caring and loving God is keeping me through this process.  Honesty is helpful – it’s traumatic, it’s a major life stressor – but I know I will come through this.  I do hope I can find a manual transmission.  I’ve got about two weeks to see if there is a gearbox for me out there.  If I end up having to drive an automatic – sheer numbers would beg that it might happen – “life gear-shifting” will still be my mantra.  ManualTransmissionAutism will remain.  Let’s keep shiftin’.